so... jen wanted me to write something cuz she wants to procrastinate... so here it goes...
i was thinking the other day as jason was disciplining one of our children that he was really getting carried away with upping the "anity" on his threats... at first it started with just telling ethan what he did wrong - then ethan seemed very unapologetic... so jason gets a little ticked and says, "no tv for the rest of the day"... ethan still didn't care... jason then goes to "no tv, DS, or Wii for the rest of the day"... ethan was really trying to tick him off, so still didn't care... then jason upped it to "no electronics of any sort for a week!!!".... aha!!! at this point, ethan was not scared at all and jason screamed something and left his room... i said, "thanks - now what do i do with him for a week???" needless to say, that was a very long week and i'm sure i failed...
but generally speaking, i really like to follow through on threats... i like to be consistent - even when the threat gets over the top, i still follow through... like the time when brandon was 2 and we went to my mother-in-law's for supper (which is better than any fine dining anywhere in the world!!!) and brandon did something bad and i said, "if you do that again, we are going home"... well, about 3 1/2 minutes later we were packing up and going home and i cried the whole way home... brandon didn't seem that worried about it...
i've had to stop the vehicle and pretend to drive away from a child - or pretend to leave a child at the rink - or have a child miss a birthday party - or bite a child (that was soooo awkward)... the list goes on...
i've learned through the almost 8 years now to really, really take a breath and think before i get going with the threats and the "you better watch it or else!!!"... i'm not sure if all parents get carried away or just jason and i...
the other aspect to this is that jason and i are pretty competitive with each other - even with disiciplining... like, when we are 'tag-teaming' the yelling at a child, we like to see what the other is going to put on the table... and i have to win, it has to be worse than anything he's ever thought of... like burning a toy!!! (the kids enjoyed that one... it just cost us money... never again)...
i really did have a good example set for me by my parents - they would send me to my room, mom or dad would 'cool down'... then they would come in a reasonably explain the error of my ways, what my punishment was (generally a spanking) and then pray with me... very controlled... almost like robots...
in the past year i've gotten into this counting thing (ok i've done it for at least two years, it's a habit that i'm not proud of)... it's like i don't expect my child to obey until i countdown from 5 to 1... and sometimes it's so embarrassing that i have to get into the 2 1/2... 2... 1 3/4.... 1 1/2... seriously... just come already!!!!
the public disciplining is always the worst - no one likes to hear you yelling your head off at your child... so you wisper, poke, pinch (you know you've done it), and sometimes just ignore and walk away and pretend like they aren't screaming "mom" at you as they lay on the rink floor... i remember brandon being just over one and punching me in the nose and my eyes started to water... or sienna throwing her head back and hitting me in the throat and i thought i was going to have to go to the hospital... sometimes i try my lowest, growliest, scary voice that ends up sounding like anthony hopkins from silence of the lambs... thinking that people prefer that to yelling... hmmmm... i'm sure other kids have had nightmares about that voice...
i was not planning on giving any solutions for disciplining in this little rant - just an insight into how jason and i do it oh so wrong sometimes (after which we always try to regroup and restrategize our plan of attack - and i say attack cuz we view it as a mini war... us putting our will upon our children and trying to brainwash them...)
good luck to all parents out there and thanks for disciplining cuz it always gives me new ideas!!!
2 comments:
I laughed my head off as i read it, it sounded like you were typing what was in my brain....i hate reading blogs, but seriously, yours are the best! I can see that you do love your kids!!
later pincher;) lol that was the best one
your sister in Christ and peer-mommy
Des:)
someone beat me to the comments! it's only been up 1 hour! see, you are more popular than you think. thanks for that, and you really should consider writing a book. about anything, and it would be good. glad we are friends, take care.
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