born this way

i feel like i must write this...  down...

not sure how to do so appropriately... so scrapped that idea...

here it goes...

i was reading to the kids the other night from the Bible... from Romans...  they were discussing the differences between Jews and Gentiles... particularly men... (cuz the Bible mainly likes to discuss men...)

neither of my boys asked any questions... they were not opening up the doorway to any sort of conversation about 'foreskin' or 'circumcision'...  even if they had a question they didn't dare ask for fear of what their over-zealous mother would answer...

(ethan once asked why his dad had armpit hair and two hours later he knew exactly where babies came from...) i'm kidding...

i'm actually just as awkward about these conversations as they are... and i giggle too much...

in all fairness to me... this is what i have to look at when i'm giving the 'birds and the bees' chat... a magician or a sheriff... or his latest 'vampire'... sheesh...

so, i start in on the circumcision talk...  i say 'do you know what that word means?'

they both say, 'no'...

i say, 'it means that the foreskin is cut of the penis'...

ethan immediately plugs his ears, starts rocking in the fetal position, and says, 'i think i'm going to puke'

brandon says, 'huh...  and here i thought i was just born that way...  kinda like Lady GaGa's song'

i can't stop laughing...  really, really hard.... and Sienna is screaming and chanting the word 'penis' (which up until this point has never been used in our household... and i'm now going back to never using it again)

brandon says, 'why isn't everyone's like mine???'

i say (amidst tears from giggling) 'when you were born, 9 years ago, i still thought it was kinda the thing to do...  so when you were 6 days old we took you to the hospital and the doctor cut...  he...'

brandon quickly interjects with 'i get it'

then i add 'i also believed that it would be good because your dilly-dong (sienna started chanting dilly-dong) wouldn't get infected and i assumed i would never, ever have to talk to you about it!!!'

ethan had turned a darker shade of green by now and i thought i should stop talking... i said 'well, i think that about wraps up that conversation... (to which i wanted to add... not like your twig which is no longer wrapped up!!! bahahaha...)'

now... there are so many parents who come to me for parenting advice...  catherine, how do you do this and what do you say about that..  that sort of thing... 

my advice... (i can almost feel the anticipation)...  is don't creep your kids out too much...  think back to when you were a child... did you want to hear your mother say 'vagina, penis'... no... did you want to hear her say anything about your anatomy??? no...  if anything... a quick convo about not letting anyone see or touch your 'private parts' and possibly an illustrated book or drawings (not done by your mom!!!) when you are old enough...  where everything is, their actual names or where they go!!!  (i'm giggling... i can't stop) 

i also believe if your child wants to know too much about such things as the intimacy in the boudoir... perhaps the little Casanova's thought patterns need to be redirected???  

unless you are planning on being in the medical field... the majority of the adults do not use proper terms in referring to their 'junk or girls'...  i'm not against children learning the proper terms... go ahead and learn them... in fact i'm for it...  just don't say them like people won't giggle or catch their breath or have a certain level of shock factor involved with you spouting out body part names...  

when a boy get's hit in the 'go-nads' -  i don't want to hear him scream 'ow, my scrotum'...  

this leads me to my last story...  

i was taking ethan and his 6 and 7 year old friends to a movie for his birthday last april...  they were watching home alone 2 in my vehicle...  (we like to 'prep' a movie with a movie in the vehicle... and then one on the way home... totals about 5 hours of movie watching... and alot of sugar...  see why i get asked parenting advice all the time!!!)  

one of ethan's friends' pipes up... 'you know what would make this movie so much more better???  if they hit each other in the berries more'

this was received with raucous laughter and high fives and the boy that said it was a genius and everyone's hero...  

i was thinking to myself 'would it have been received in the same light-hearted fun fashion if he had decided to go with the clinical term... or would his friend sitting beside him have hit him in his berries'

meals to the field - part 2

harvest 2011...  started August 13th... my first official big meal to the field... 


these are the containers I take meals out in ...  

my morning starts here, with two loads in the dishwasher...  and i generally start cooking about 10 am and don't stop till 5...


i employ small children... three of them...  i pay them what they're worth...


sienna get's an orange... or a noodle...

ethan get's beef jerky... and to 'strap on the rodger's championship belt'...

brandon get's a toonie... to save up for such events as go karting... cuz how cool does one look in a go karting helmet??? pair that with some bowling shoes and you're set!!!

on August 17th... a nice, warm Wednesday...  i had the bags packed up and was ready to go... 9 men i was told...  


Greg, Jason, Kevin, Larry, Randy, Andy, Bill, Jeff, Jason, Larry  


the menu that night was:  
- Western Beef and Beans (Western means you feel manly when you eat it)
- Whipped Potatoes
- Corn on the Cob
- Ceasar Salad
- Nectarine Upside Down Cake (it was supposed to be upside down... i'm assuming)

we get it all loaded up in the vehicle...  i had taken the opportunity (all 4 days into harvest - thinking the hubby's all exhausted and needs a 'pick-me-up') to put sticky notes with sharpie 'love notes and pictures' all over jason's containers...  tee-he...  mature...  


and i could never resist the urge to draw pictures on sticky notes with sharpies...  


i drive and start delivering the suppers...  thinking how excited jason's going to be to get his 'love parcel'...  about three wrong turns and 40 minutes later i've completely forgotten about the sticky notes and am sweating and panicked and late with supper...  


i finally am driving all over this field dropping bags of luke warm food off and i have one bag left (jason's) come up over a hill and see two combines...   


apparently he only counted 1 for Larry (even though there are 2 Larry's)  


there is Larry the hutterite...  probably 17 years old i'm guessing and looks like kid rock with short hair...  


and there is Larry the Grandpa...  this was the one left...


i phone my husband and say "you can't count"


he says "give my supper to Larry"


i say "sure thing big daddy"  


he says "over and out little lady"


(i made the last two lines up)


i get ethan "beef jerky"  to run Larry the supper...  and ethan decides to go for a combine ride with Larry...


it was only when i was sitting there, thinking 'mission accomplished'... then i started thinking about tom cruise in mission impossible... and then rob lowe's new book stories i only tell my friends in which he talks about tom cruise.... and then the fact that who names a book that title only to proceed to publish it for millions to read and i wouldn't really feel that special as a friend anymore... say if rob lowe was around a campfire with you and goes 'i have a great story i only will tell this campfire group of friends'... and you're thinking, ya me and the million losers that download your book on itunes...


where was i... oh yes... when it suddenly hit me like... hmmm... a sack full of bricks???... (i'm horrible with sayings)...  "I GAVE THE SHARPIE/STICKY NOTES TO LARRY"...  


it was almost like on home alone when he realizes he's home alone... and puts his hands up to his face... and it's a precious moment in cinematography... 


except mine was minus the hands and precious momentness...  more the puke in the mouth event...  




i don't know what is worse...  Larry the Grandpa trying to choke down a supper covered with aztec like artwork....  or my 7 year old boy who DOES know how to read having to watch this all unfold in the combine...


when i picked ethan up from his very disturbing combine ride (which i'm sure will come up in therapy someday) not a word was said, to Larry, to ethan... and it's even too early for crickets!!!  not a sound in the air...


now whenever i see the post it's and sharpies...  i force myself to allow sienna to do the drawings to cheer people up...  

my middle boy - ethan we'll call him - has a crazy imagination... ever since he was little... and left to be on his own for hours at a time... he could make up the craziest scenarios... (like, where is my mom)

this is a good shot of him holding his breath... he took it on his own... with my ipad... alone in a vehicle - outside a rink... in a city... we'll call it saskatoon... only the 3rd most dangerous city in Canada...

he made a video on my phone the other day (that was when he was alone in the vehicle cuz Sienna, Brandon and I had gone for a combine ride) ... i just found it and here it is him "alone on the african savanna... no water... no food... and i hear lions"... all of a sudden he's singing "home owners, helping home owners"...

i really wish i knew how to upload this stuff to my blog... (i'm sure it would really up my viewership)

he's always had to have a costume on... whether it be super heros or jerseys... or hats (sheriff hat in particular)... he does not like it when it's a normal t-shirt and shorts...

the picture of him with the sheriff hat and matthews jersey bowling... that was his class field trip... glow bowling... he thought that outfit to be appropriate...

i'm excited to have a kid with this kind of personality... but not really sure where to focus his "personality" on...

we tried piano... decided he's completely tone deaf and maybe more a drums guy...

in fact... he lip-syncs now in the vehicle... here is a song he knows every word to and does his 'air band' (by himself) to... (some of the lyrics)

"Pretty Girls"

There's a lot of pretty girls in this city
There's a lot of pretty girls in this town
I'm trying to pick the right one
I'm trying to pick the right one
Trying to find a shorty to hold me down
I’m so indecisive
Trying to find a pretty girl that these shoes goes nice with
Been around the world and back, got a I4 and girls in black
But I need a chick that's gonna hold me tight like vice grip

Just make sure you need my heart how you found it
You can keep the key but the lock is around me
Baby, let’s take it slow, no pulling a fast one
And you look like the type to keep my mind off the last one

I really love my 7 year old singing these lyrics... well not singing - cuz he can't carry a tune to save his life... but "knowing"...

just leave my heart like you found it

i'm wondering what this means to him... hmmmm... or if the ladies in grade 2 know he's on the prowl 'trying to pick the right one'...

this coming from the same kid, same trip... i heard him fart and then stick his head down to smell it... look up and realize i was looking in the rear view mirror... and say "i guess whoever smelt it dealt it"

of course it takes me back to my TLC days (man i've ruined a few wedding karaoke's with Waterfalls)

don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and lakes like i'm used to...

this was actually the closest to 'camping' i got in my childhood!!!

conclusion... a kid with an imagination... equals a lifetime of laughs... and possibly a child living with at home with you the rest of your life... :)

meals to the field

so... i know i blog about twice a year... but my husband has told me i need to get a hobby other than watching every program on discovery channel (he obviously does not understand the joys of swamp people, great tank battles and world's most expensive)

meals to the field... here is the field...

there are 10 guys to cook for - i only cook 3 times a week...

the amount of food that one has to cook for 10 men is staggering... plus my three children... and myself... (who recently has really enjoyed eating alot!!!)

today's menu:

i thought it would be cute and fun to do "breakfast" for "supper"... genius (the men were all so tired i seriously think they thought it was breakfast time)

Pannukukua (an egg casserole - kinda like a really think crepe)

Hashbrown Casserole

Breakfast Deer Sausage

Bacon, Cheddar, Onion Biscuits

Bacon... mmmm...

Peaches and Whipped Cream

amount of food i used:

6 eggs (not bad)

flour, sugar, etc... i'll stop naming these types of ingredients

6 packages of breakfast sausage

2 pkg hashbrowns

1 1L half and half milk

2 500 mL whipping cream

1 block cheddar cheese

4 1lb pkgs of bacon (used 3... my daughter and i ate 1)

24 peaches

6 onions... tear...

2 cans mushroom soup

now - this meal in particular is pretty high fat... high creaminess... high baconiness...

not normal... but normal is 14 cobs of corn... 2 pans of beats... 2 roasts... 2 pies... 1 giant tupperware full of salad...

you get the picture...

and i drop it off (they each get their individual meal in containers in a insulated bag)... and they most likely eat it without looking at it... smelling it... tasting it... even though most of the time it takes me a good 6 hours to prepare...

some would say - 'throw hamburger helper at them'... come to think of it... no one has said that... in fact i haven't really talked to anyone about it... mostly just to myself... in a made up conversation with someone i picture in my head... (alas, farm life)

i say - 'i'm an artist... a farmer wife food artist... i like to create themes for the evenings i take meals... sometimes even dress myself and children accordingly... use fresh herbs... pretend i'm a chef at a four seasons hotel..."

i realize reality and what i'm doing don't really fit... no one's really wondering what spice i used in the eggs... PAPRIKA - SPANISH SMOKED PAPRIKA!!!! they might not have even realized it was eggs...

i just know that the days i get to wake up... cook all day... i feel giddy... giddy happy...

last week it rained on two of the days i was supposed to cook on and they shut down and didn't need a meal... i was so upset that "mexican enchiladas fiesta night" got cancelled...

i went to the co-op grocery store last week... pushed a cart full of groceries... while pulling another cart... just waiting for someone to say "hungry???" and then i'd laugh and say "don't you know it"...

i saw a lady pulling a basket on wheels... it looked like something an 80 year old would pull... one of those 80 year old ladies that goes to the grocery store and buys just enough for that day cuz she's unsure if she'll make it to the next - you see her ripping off one banana... one potatoe... you feel like telling her to just go for it - plan for a week at least...

i wonder what this lady thinks of me pulling and pushing two carts... she probably thinks that i'm on the show extreme couponing or something...

in conclusion... i'm working on a cookbook... most likely for myself... a harvest meal cookbook... taking pictures of my three year old with food... in her "Polish perogie night outfit"... hehe... pretty sure i'm publishing it for myself, my momma, and maybe my grandma...

although grandma told me to stop sending stuff to her cuz she doesn't have room for anything... other than her one banana... and potatoe...