born this way

i feel like i must write this...  down...

not sure how to do so appropriately... so scrapped that idea...

here it goes...

i was reading to the kids the other night from the Bible... from Romans...  they were discussing the differences between Jews and Gentiles... particularly men... (cuz the Bible mainly likes to discuss men...)

neither of my boys asked any questions... they were not opening up the doorway to any sort of conversation about 'foreskin' or 'circumcision'...  even if they had a question they didn't dare ask for fear of what their over-zealous mother would answer...

(ethan once asked why his dad had armpit hair and two hours later he knew exactly where babies came from...) i'm kidding...

i'm actually just as awkward about these conversations as they are... and i giggle too much...

in all fairness to me... this is what i have to look at when i'm giving the 'birds and the bees' chat... a magician or a sheriff... or his latest 'vampire'... sheesh...

so, i start in on the circumcision talk...  i say 'do you know what that word means?'

they both say, 'no'...

i say, 'it means that the foreskin is cut of the penis'...

ethan immediately plugs his ears, starts rocking in the fetal position, and says, 'i think i'm going to puke'

brandon says, 'huh...  and here i thought i was just born that way...  kinda like Lady GaGa's song'

i can't stop laughing...  really, really hard.... and Sienna is screaming and chanting the word 'penis' (which up until this point has never been used in our household... and i'm now going back to never using it again)

brandon says, 'why isn't everyone's like mine???'

i say (amidst tears from giggling) 'when you were born, 9 years ago, i still thought it was kinda the thing to do...  so when you were 6 days old we took you to the hospital and the doctor cut...  he...'

brandon quickly interjects with 'i get it'

then i add 'i also believed that it would be good because your dilly-dong (sienna started chanting dilly-dong) wouldn't get infected and i assumed i would never, ever have to talk to you about it!!!'

ethan had turned a darker shade of green by now and i thought i should stop talking... i said 'well, i think that about wraps up that conversation... (to which i wanted to add... not like your twig which is no longer wrapped up!!! bahahaha...)'

now... there are so many parents who come to me for parenting advice...  catherine, how do you do this and what do you say about that..  that sort of thing... 

my advice... (i can almost feel the anticipation)...  is don't creep your kids out too much...  think back to when you were a child... did you want to hear your mother say 'vagina, penis'... no... did you want to hear her say anything about your anatomy??? no...  if anything... a quick convo about not letting anyone see or touch your 'private parts' and possibly an illustrated book or drawings (not done by your mom!!!) when you are old enough...  where everything is, their actual names or where they go!!!  (i'm giggling... i can't stop) 

i also believe if your child wants to know too much about such things as the intimacy in the boudoir... perhaps the little Casanova's thought patterns need to be redirected???  

unless you are planning on being in the medical field... the majority of the adults do not use proper terms in referring to their 'junk or girls'...  i'm not against children learning the proper terms... go ahead and learn them... in fact i'm for it...  just don't say them like people won't giggle or catch their breath or have a certain level of shock factor involved with you spouting out body part names...  

when a boy get's hit in the 'go-nads' -  i don't want to hear him scream 'ow, my scrotum'...  

this leads me to my last story...  

i was taking ethan and his 6 and 7 year old friends to a movie for his birthday last april...  they were watching home alone 2 in my vehicle...  (we like to 'prep' a movie with a movie in the vehicle... and then one on the way home... totals about 5 hours of movie watching... and alot of sugar...  see why i get asked parenting advice all the time!!!)  

one of ethan's friends' pipes up... 'you know what would make this movie so much more better???  if they hit each other in the berries more'

this was received with raucous laughter and high fives and the boy that said it was a genius and everyone's hero...  

i was thinking to myself 'would it have been received in the same light-hearted fun fashion if he had decided to go with the clinical term... or would his friend sitting beside him have hit him in his berries'